| DUNKLES & JAFFA CAKES |
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| It's that time of year again when the days get shorter and the winter/holiday special brews start showing up on store shelves. I've already purchased 2 variety 12 packs from Samuel Adams and Saranac. I've polished off the Sam Adams Winter Classics pack which contains the following (2 of each): Boston Lager - same as it ever was. It's tasting less interesting to me with each passing year. 5.5/10 Winter Lager - enjoyable but a bit odd. The cinnamon, ginger, and orange peel can be a tad overbearing at times. I couldn't drink too many of these in one night. 6/10 Old Fezziwig Ale - easily my favorite of the bunch. A dark, porterish ale. Rich and unique. 7.5/10 Holiday Porter - a run of the mill porter. I like porters, but I can't see drinking this all night. 6.5/10 Cream Stout - very rich and smokey (fag ash notes) 3.5/10 Cranberry Lambic - I take one drink of this every year and then dump the remainder down the drain. 0/10 I've only tasted one of the Saranac pack. Here's what is in it (2 of each): Scotch Ale Chocolate Amber Lager Belgian Ale Winter Wassail (Ale fermented with spices) Oatmeal Stout Caramel Porter I've only had the Winter Wassail and it was a train wreck of tastes. The description on the bottle didn't even sound good (which is a first): ...look for hints of cinnamon, nutmeg, orange and allspice... I could only down about 2 drinks. 0.5/10 Cheers, Pat |
| Worst Beer In The World The not so good, the bad, and the ugly This winter has been a wonderful exploration into the many "variety" packs made by various brewers. For the most part, the offerings have been very good (Samuel Adams Old Fezziwig for example), but most of these packs contain a substandard brew or two tossed in. I was in the process of cleaning out my fridge when I came across a few of these substandard brews that were left over from the holiday season. I don't know why I didn't just throw them out after having a sample of them earlier (many of these variety packs come with multiple bottles of each style). Three brews stood out in my memory as being particularly terrible, and as luck would have it, were taking up space in my refrigerator. Instead of just tossing them out, I decided to test them once again to find out which one was potentially The Worst Beer In The World. First up is Saranac Winter Wassail. The label says to "look for hints of cinnamon, nutmeg, orange, and allspice", this would be wonderful if I were looking at the label of a fruit cake, but that's not what I like to see going in my ale. The initial taste isn't revolting, but quickly the tastebuds are overwhelmed by all these spices and they linger longer than the movie Titanic. And, like the Titanic, this brew goes quickly down the drain for a permanent vacation in a large body of water. As terrible as this beer is, and the rating scale doesn't go low enough, it was the best of the three. Next up is Michelob Bavarian Style Wheat. On the box is a picture of this beer with a large silver medal by it. Ian and I have a running joke about beers with medals on the label or box. There is usually a negative relation between the two, the more medals, the worse the beer. This beer does nothing to change that idea. The problem with medals is that you don't know who these organizations are that are handing these things out. It's like when you see a movie ad in the newspaper with giant type above it saying TERRIFIC - 4 STARS, only to read the fine print and find out that the review is attributed to Bob Jones of the South Pickerington Gazette and not Roger Ebert. I must admit that I'm not a big fan of wheat beers, but I'm willing to accept them on their own terms, if they taste like they should then I can appreciate that. This particular beer though is an abomination. The other beers in Michelob's variety pack were reasonable, slightly watered down tasting versions of said style: Pale Ale, Marzen, and Porter, but this was over-the-top and terrible. One swig and you are hit over the head with overwhelming wheatiness and an unwelcomed spiciness finishes off your palate. The bottle gives you the directions of how to perfectly pour this particular beer. Skip that reading and follow this for the perfect pour of this beer: Pop cap, hold in right hand, turn wrist 180 degrees over a sink or toilet, hold until contents of bottle are gone, recycle bottle. Last, and least, is Samuel Adams Cranberry Lambic. Why each year the folks at Samuel Adams insist on taking up 2 beers worth of space in their otherwise excellent winter variety packs with this mess of a beer is beyond me. I have a winter ritual of taking one swig of this putrid concoction to remind myself of how bad it really is and then pouring the rest quickly down the nearest drain. It is a wheat beer (strike one), with fruit in the title (strike two), and a touch of maple syrup (strike three you're out). I took a quick taste for this review, and I have to be honest, I had a hard time holding in the contents of my stomach. In the bible, Jesus is quoted as saying: My God, my God, Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me (Matthew 27:46). I ask: Samuel Adams, why hast thou forsaken the world by introducing this most horrible beer? It stands alone as the Worst Beer In The World, and if there is indeed life on other planets, the Worst Beer In The Universe. |
| In time-honoured tradition, Lord Pat creates Liquid Plumber from three dodgy beers |