Guinness -- The Truth
Right then, here is -- for 10 points -- your opening question: When is a supposedly good beer an absolutely CRAP beer ?
Answer: When it's called Guinness.
The nitro-kegged disaster that bears the name "Guinness" is going through some deservedly tough times with sales of the stout falling year after
year in the UK and Ireland. In the UK, sales have declined 13% in the last two years, while in Ireland, the Motherlode of Guinness, sales are down
almost a whopping 30% since 2001 !
Those in power at Guinness (remember, Guinness is now owned by Diageo) are sadly and incorrectly placing the blame on "a growing taste for
lighter, blander, more refreshing drinks and a long term shift to entertaining at home..." Oh yes, lads -- there is indeed a shift in taste, but as any
corporate beer company knows only too well (and hates to admit), the shift in taste is towards the ever increasing craft ales being produced by
an ever increasing number of new breweries.
Read any current report by CAMRA (The Campaign for Real Ale) or SIBA (Society for Independent Brewers) and you'll find that the demand for
craft brews has never been higher in the UK. Could it be that a pint of refreshing, flavourful, living, breathing ale is preferable over a pint of
turgid, lifeless, nitrokegged bullshit ?
Let's look at the "entertaining at home" comment. Most Brits -- particularly the age group Guinness is aiming at -- if they do entertain at home,
will serve up a bottles of decent vino before they'll choose beer. Wine is hugely popular in the UK, and cheap too ! When Lady Roberts and
myself resided in London, every social function we ever went to was an excuse to open the latest Beaujolais or dodgy Liebfraumilch or Mateus
Rose - it was a way of life. If we wanted a pint, we went to the pub.
What you will find, and what does remain a problem for all brewing companies is large sized supermarkets undercutting beer distributors, and
selling what's become known as "cheap booze" for ridiculously low prices, which has encouraged people to drink at home more often (43% of
beer drinking is now done at home to be precise). But, even as I write this, CAMRA is trying to put an end to the ruthless price undercutting by
the supermarkets.
Looking at the shocking state of Guinness in the Emerald Island, the Irish that grew up on the "real" cask Guinness (pre-1961), is nothing like the
Irish you'll find today. When Ireland joined the European Community just a few years back, it was one of the poorest nations in the western
hemisphere. As Blackadder would say -- "as poor as a church mouse that's just been presented with a huge tax bill, while Mrs.Mouse has run off,
taking all the cheese".
Within years, thanks to some fantastic investment from global drug companies, Google, and goodness knows who else who made Ireland their
home, Ireland had risen to become the third richest nation in Europe -- above the UK and Germany. Instead of old boys sitting around Dublin
drinking Guinness, smoking fags, and playing fiddles and bodrans, you now had the BMW and latte set: young Irishmen and Irishwomen with
considerably more sophisticated tastes in alcohol than nitrokeg Guinness. The product just didn't have the sense or gumption to anticipate the
changes and needs of 21st century Irish drinkers.
It survived on both sides of the Irish sea with the help of sleek, stylish, and sometimes surreal advertising -- how else could it get away with the
myth of a two-stage pour...okay, stop me now, I feel a soapbox growing beneath my feet !
Anyway, even superb advertising hasn't prevented the dramatic decrease in business. Nice ads, shite beer. I'm afraid that harping on about "a
pint of the black stuff" just isn't working anymore.
But, fear not -- Good Things Come To Those Who Wait -- that's what Guinness tells us; so what is this mysterious "thing", their secret weapon
that we are all apparently waiting for with baited breath ? It's.............Guinness Red. What the 'eff ????
Locked up in a remote Irish dungeon, some complete and utter twat wearing a Guinness ID badge has come up with the answer to all of
Guinness' problems. They've spent 2.5 million pounds rolling out Guinness Red across the UK in what will surely be a futile attempt to lure back
lager and ale drinkers. It's described as a stout that's slightly smoother and sweeter than mainstream Guinness; using a more lightly roasted
barley, and still at 4.1% ABV -- designed to bridge the gap between a stout and an ale. Sounds bloody revolting !
Interesting that my very favourite (and reliably learned) rag in the UK -- The Guardian -- described the notion of Guinness Red as "slightly odd".
Bottom line is, will Guinness Red turn around the fortunes of its sickly parent company ? If I was a betting bloke, I'd know where I'd put my
money....and it's not on sodding Guinness Red !
Cheers !
What a load of SHITE !
Right then, here is -- for 10 points -- your opening question: When is a supposedly good beer an absolutely CRAP beer ?
Answer: When it's called Guinness.
The nitro-kegged disaster that bears the name "Guinness" is going through some deservedly tough times with sales of the stout falling year after
year in the UK and Ireland. In the UK, sales have declined 13% in the last two years, while in Ireland, the Motherlode of Guinness, sales are down
almost a whopping 30% since 2001 !
Those in power at Guinness (remember, Guinness is now owned by Diageo) are sadly and incorrectly placing the blame on "a growing taste for
lighter, blander, more refreshing drinks and a long term shift to entertaining at home..." Oh yes, lads -- there is indeed a shift in taste, but as any
corporate beer company knows only too well (and hates to admit), the shift in taste is towards the ever increasing craft ales being produced by
an ever increasing number of new breweries.
Read any current report by CAMRA (The Campaign for Real Ale) or SIBA (Society for Independent Brewers) and you'll find that the demand for
craft brews has never been higher in the UK. Could it be that a pint of refreshing, flavourful, living, breathing ale is preferable over a pint of
turgid, lifeless, nitrokegged bullshit ?
Let's look at the "entertaining at home" comment. Most Brits -- particularly the age group Guinness is aiming at -- if they do entertain at home,
will serve up a bottles of decent vino before they'll choose beer. Wine is hugely popular in the UK, and cheap too ! When Lady Roberts and
myself resided in London, every social function we ever went to was an excuse to open the latest Beaujolais or dodgy Liebfraumilch or Mateus
Rose - it was a way of life. If we wanted a pint, we went to the pub.
What you will find, and what does remain a problem for all brewing companies is large sized supermarkets undercutting beer distributors, and
selling what's become known as "cheap booze" for ridiculously low prices, which has encouraged people to drink at home more often (43% of
beer drinking is now done at home to be precise). But, even as I write this, CAMRA is trying to put an end to the ruthless price undercutting by
the supermarkets.
Looking at the shocking state of Guinness in the Emerald Island, the Irish that grew up on the "real" cask Guinness (pre-1961), is nothing like the
Irish you'll find today. When Ireland joined the European Community just a few years back, it was one of the poorest nations in the western
hemisphere. As Blackadder would say -- "as poor as a church mouse that's just been presented with a huge tax bill, while Mrs.Mouse has run off,
taking all the cheese".
Within years, thanks to some fantastic investment from global drug companies, Google, and goodness knows who else who made Ireland their
home, Ireland had risen to become the third richest nation in Europe -- above the UK and Germany. Instead of old boys sitting around Dublin
drinking Guinness, smoking fags, and playing fiddles and bodrans, you now had the BMW and latte set: young Irishmen and Irishwomen with
considerably more sophisticated tastes in alcohol than nitrokeg Guinness. The product just didn't have the sense or gumption to anticipate the
changes and needs of 21st century Irish drinkers.
It survived on both sides of the Irish sea with the help of sleek, stylish, and sometimes surreal advertising -- how else could it get away with the
myth of a two-stage pour...okay, stop me now, I feel a soapbox growing beneath my feet !
Anyway, even superb advertising hasn't prevented the dramatic decrease in business. Nice ads, shite beer. I'm afraid that harping on about "a
pint of the black stuff" just isn't working anymore.
But, fear not -- Good Things Come To Those Who Wait -- that's what Guinness tells us; so what is this mysterious "thing", their secret weapon
that we are all apparently waiting for with baited breath ? It's.............Guinness Red. What the 'eff ????
Locked up in a remote Irish dungeon, some complete and utter twat wearing a Guinness ID badge has come up with the answer to all of
Guinness' problems. They've spent 2.5 million pounds rolling out Guinness Red across the UK in what will surely be a futile attempt to lure back
lager and ale drinkers. It's described as a stout that's slightly smoother and sweeter than mainstream Guinness; using a more lightly roasted
barley, and still at 4.1% ABV -- designed to bridge the gap between a stout and an ale. Sounds bloody revolting !
Interesting that my very favourite (and reliably learned) rag in the UK -- The Guardian -- described the notion of Guinness Red as "slightly odd".
Bottom line is, will Guinness Red turn around the fortunes of its sickly parent company ? If I was a betting bloke, I'd know where I'd put my
money....and it's not on sodding Guinness Red !
Cheers !
What a load of SHITE !
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